Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Greetings, and welcome to flu season! Please prepare yourselves for the journey of a lifetime. You'll enjoy randomly hacking up a lung, watery eyes, rapid-fire sneezes, and aches throughout your entire body.
A lucky few will get the bonus of a completely stuffed-up nose that will run constantly. Stuffed-up and runny at the same time? Some people get to have it all!
Speaking of having it all, how about a body temperature high enough to toast bread, while you shiver uncontrollably and feel like you are standing naked in Antarctica.
Since your head is going to be all stuffed-up and fargly-bargly, we'll throw in some dizziness at no extra cost!!
All that mucous must of course be accompanied by a sore throat. You'll have the advantage of talking with the stuffed-up accent of the truly ill, while everything you hear will sound as if you are underwater.
The only solution is to fill yourself with random cold medicine, thereby giving you the wibbly-eyed dog look.
Ugh. Hope your New Year's Eve is better than mine!