Are you depressed?
Do you have trouble sleeping??
Are you suffering from anxiety?
Do you harbor a lack of self-esteem?
Then try new HOMESTEADING !!
Yes, that's right! HOMESTEADING is a technological breakthrough! Top scientists have worked night and day and now new HOMESTEADING is available to you!
You'll enjoy gourmet meals prepared from 100% natural ingredients: planted, tended, harvested, and prepared all by yourself!
Battle fierce beasts as they vie for the fruit of your labor!
Frolic by a bonfire on a summer night or autumn evening! (Warning: If alcohol is consumed, singed eyebrows may result.)
To avoid winter's piercing cold, you'll revel in the harvest of firewood in the fall: cutting down dead trees, cutting them up, hauling them to a convenient area and splitting and stacking the resulting fuel.
Bask in the warm glow of a fire produced by your very own hands. Feel that sense of self-esteem returning!
Anxiety and depression are things of the past! No longer do you have time or energy to wallow in self-pity! Sleepless night? GONE!! You'll fall into bed every single night, dog tired, and sleep like the dead!!
Side effects may include: strains, sprains, bruises, pains, and occasional bouts of Tourette's.
Use of HOMESTEADING may result in dangerous overconfidence and rare moments of stupidity, such as battling a pack of coyotes with a machete.
Satisfaction Guaranteed! If not 100% satisfied: take your whiny hiney back to the city.