Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wife Wanted

I've recently returned to work.  It's a seasonal job, and I love it.  It's nice to be out of the house for a while.  But it's stressful. Not the job,  I LOVE my job! But managing home after work, yeah, stressful.  You working moms know what I'm talking about.  In fact, my hat is off to those of you that can manage work, budgeting, housework, cooking, etc, and not run amok with a chainsaw, or at least a spork, at the end of the week.

I recently brought up the fact that I'm pretty darned stressed to the family.  We were sitting at lunch over the weekend, and our conversation was something like this:

Me:  I've decided to remarry.

*Puzzled expressions all around the table*

Me:  Yes, I've decided I need a wife.

Big Sis:  I knew it!! Mom's GAY!!

Me: *Rolls eyes*  What I need is to come home from work and relax a bit.  I need someone to cook my meals, do my laundry, balance the budget.  Someone to  make sure bills get paid so I don't wake up in a cold sweat wondering what the date is and did I pay the electric bill.  Someone to carry in firewood and then make sure that mess gets swept up, the house gets dusted *glances at cobwebs dangling merrily over the china cabinet*.  Someone to do the laundry and make sure it all gets hung out early enough to get dry, then gets it brought in, folded, and put away, without being asked a dozen times.  Someone to make sure the eggs get wiped and put in the fridge.  Then there's the seeds to start, the garden to plant, harvest, canning, berries to pick and put up for jam, chickens to butcher and pluck, fences to build, the chicken house to muck out.  You know, that sort of thing.

*Everyone babbling at one time*

Me:  Oh, yeah, she'd also have to be able to listen to three of you talk about three different things at one time. And then drop what she's doing to go look at *glances at Little Sis* some kitten/chicken/dog trick, or maybe a dead thing; *glances at Big Sis* inspect baby poop; *glances at Eöl* or go watch you blow something up.

Eöl:  Yeah, what we really need is more estrogen in this house. *rolls eyes*

Little Sis:  You should just go on Wife Swap. 

Me:  Oh, great idea! I want to be swapped with one of those chicks that goes to the spa all day!!

Eöl: I can see her here trying to help me work on the car...*does falsetto voice* "Which one is the brake?" or maybe, "Is that CHICKEN POOP on the porch??!!!"

I guess I will give up on the wife hunt.  Most likely I'd end up with one of those whiny, frou-frou chicks that expected to be taken to dinner every night and spent her days watching Oprah and Dr Phil.

I suppose what I really need is to clone myself.  Ha.  That would be awesome!! I'd get so much done!! And I don't need designer clothes to do it in! ;)

Really, we're just going through our annual Period Of Adjustment Because Mom Is Back At Work.  This year is a bit more difficult thanks to Baby Chipmunk.  Not that we don't love the squirrelly little thing.  But Big Sis has her hands full just trying to get a shower every day.    Little Sis helps her a huge amount, and does try hard to help out with the housework and laundry.   Eöl has even been sweeping the floors.

I guess it's a good thing that things don't go as smoothly without me.  I'm irreplaceable!!  (Someone call Eöl and tell him what a lucky guy he is!!)

Note to family:  Big Sis, thanks for letting me nap and making dinner last night!! Little Sis, amazing job on the kitchen yesterday! Thanks!!  Eöl, I love you for bringing in firewood yesterday!!  And thanks for dealing with me during the adjustment period.  Side note: I'm a lot nicer when you clean up after yourselves. I love you!!


Anonymous said...

Man, I keep telling husband that I need a wife. He's beginning to take me seriously. I think he's tired of housework too, hah.

I think we need to win the lottery so we can hire maid services. It'd probably help if I played the lottery, eh.

Eöl: Yeah, what we really need is more estrogen in this house. *rolls eyes*

I'm outnumbered the other way =P Though, part of me does wish I still lived in the country simply for the ability to blow shit up. That's probably the only thing I miss about living way out in the sticks... nobody even flinched when things went BOOM.

Country Wife said...

I think those Sister Wives may have the right idea after all. lol