Friday, September 3, 2010


I was recently informed that, should I go public, certain people will go out of their way to prove that I am not as perfect in real life as I appear on my blog. My boggled response was, "I appear perfect on my blog?!?".

Anyway, I thought I'd save people the trouble of all that research.

It is a proven fact that I am PERFECT.

For example:

I am perfectly nice most of the time. However, at least one day a month I am a perfect beyotch. Funny, I can't seem to find the chainsaw on those days lately. A wise man, that Eöl.

I am always perfectly broke before the next payday.

I am perfectly mortified when I realize my mouth is on fast forward, but my brain is on pause.

I am perfectly happy when I'm barefoot in the garden. I'm also in perfect need of a shower by the end of gardening days, as I'm a perfect mess.

I am a perfect picture of annoyed when a telemarketer calls me, speaks very little english, and tries to tell me his name is Josh, Chris, Dave, or even Kip. Yeah, as if. This is generally followed by my perfect 'click'.
I perfectly hate dial up. More than hate. Hate hate hate hate stabbity loathe.
I have a perfect body. I keep it in the freezer. bwhahaha!!! Ok..maybe not. But I do have a perfect body for a woman twice my age. *snort*
I am a source of perfect embarrassment for Little Sis, generally when I sing, dance, or act goofy in public. I should note that I perfectly enjoy singing, dancing, and acting goofy in public, and even more so when it embarrass my kids. ***ooo look, I'm also perfectly evil!!***

I have perfect hair...for a cave woman.
My home is perfectly clean...for about ten minutes every other week or so.
I am perfectly tired of trying to fix my paragraph spacing on blogger.
And there you have it. As Mary Poppins would say, "I am practically perfect in every way."
Now those people that would try to prove me less than perfect can go back to sorting navel lint.

No comments: