Porn and garden plans

"Yeah, baby!"

*turns page*

"That's what I'm talking about!!"

*turns page*

"Come to mama!!"

*turns page*

"Gross!," says Big Sis, "WHAT is mom looking at??"

Little Sis rolls her eyes and replies, "The seed catalogs are here."

Yep, gardener's porn.  I can't help myself.  All of those pics, so succulent, so tempting....*drools*

*hangs head*  I think I need help. *sobs*

lol...I crack myself up.  Anyway, yes, the garden porn has arrived, and I'm glued to the new seed catalogs like some sicko at a porn shop.

We've done something different in the garden each year, keeping the plants and methods that worked and discarding those that didn't.  This year is no exception.

Our 2012 garden; will 2012 be a year of doom, or is that just more Y(awn)2K hype?  Doesn't matter, we'll be making these changes regardless.  The big plan is to grow more dry storage food and less that need processing and freezing.  After all, we live in an area where ice storms and power outages are common, so it only makes sense.

We'll be planting lots of beans for drying, flour and parching corn, and literally tons of squash.  We'll still plant the fresh goodies: green beans, melons, lettuce, tomatoes (for fresh eating and canning), peppers, and all the other tasty stuff.

I'm planning to do the Farmer's Market again this year.  I skipped last year; it was a bad year for plants and I really didn't have time.  I missed it, though.  It's strangely addictive, even if I'm not selling a lot of stuff.  I love talking to all the other garden fanatics and foodies.  Another excuse to order more seeds!! WOOT!  I'll be selling plants, even if I don't do produce.  And for that I sure could use a greenhouse...

My Christmas present from Eöl, and some recycled materials, and voila!  The frame for the new greenhouse went up today...pics and info on that as soon as it's done.  High winds predicted for tomorrow may slow that down a bit, but at least we got the frame set before the ground froze.

I'm headed back to my porn and huge list of seeds to buy.  Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!!!

A country point of view

I've known for a while that our view of the world has changed since we moved to the country, but it has never been as obvious as this week:

• While flipping through a magazine, I came across a pic of a gorgeous outdoor kitchen.  I showed the pic to Eöl.  His first comment was, "How do they keep the chickens off of it?"
• On our way to get tags for the Soul, we passed a shop with a sign out front that read, "The perfect gift for your tanner!"  I was about to ask Eöl to stop there, so we could see if they had any tanning solution on sale, when I saw the posters in the window of deeply tanned men and women.  "Oh," I thought, "tanning (darkening of human skin)...not tanning (making leather from animal skins)." Duh.
• Watching an old Elvis flick with Little Sis, the folks were having a shindig after a flock of chickens had appeared earlier in the movie.  Once again, Eöl asked, "Where's all the chicken poop?"  *shrugs* It's a fact of life with a free-range flock, ya know.

It's the same deal with any movie we watch showing farms or gardens.  In the movies, nothing is muddy, poop-covered, or stinky; an entire village can be fed from a garden the size of a compact parking spot; freshly plucked fowl never still has feathers at the ankles.  We generally look at each other, roll our eyes, and laugh like...well...like homesteaders that just know better.

A Muddy Christmas to all....

'Twas the night before Christmas;
 the rain poured on the house.

All the creatures were mud covered.
Eek! Is that a mouse??

The children were splashing and making mud pies;
It's all fun and games till someone gets mud in their eyes.

Eöl in his muck boots, and I in my slicker
Ran for cover as the rain came quicker.

The moon, how it glistened, on puddles galore;
I rolled my eyes when I saw all the mud on the floor

Then, in a twinkling, I heard from above,
"Dasher, Dancer, give us a shove!

We're deep in the mud, the sleigh is stuck fast!
If this is a yearly thing, this one will be my last!"

"Where is the snow, the sparkling white?
Why is everything glorpy tonight?

I've lost both my boots, somewhere in the muck
Next year, forget the deer, I'm buying a truck!"

Rainrainrainrain

In honor of the ridiculous amount of rain we have received in just the past 24 hours (which is in addition to the ridiculous amount of rain we have received since spring) and the mud that is, literally, I am not kidding, over the top of my foot, in the wallow that was once upon a time a yard, I request the following changes to popular Christmas carols:

• I'm Dreaming Of A White Wet Christmas.
• Here We Come A-Caroling A-Kayaking.
• I Saw Three Ships... In My Yard
• Frosty The Snowman  Mucky the Mudman
• Up On The Housetop...Escaping Flood Waters
• What Child Is This...Swimming By
• Santa Claus Is Coming Swimming To Town
• Deck The Halls...With Boats and Life Vests...fa la la la
• We Wish You A Merry Muddy Christmas
• Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer Speedboat
• We Three Kings (of Orient are...)  We Got Three Inches Of Rain In An Hour
• Silent Night, Holy Night  Rainy Night, Muddy Night

LOL..ok...enough is enough..right?  But oh my gosh the MUD! The muck!! The puddles, rain, and more rain!! Santa better have some freakin' big mud tires!!!

Oh no!!! Guess he didn't have any!!

Oh. My. Soul.

It started on Thanksgiving.  The rolls weren't done. I mean: they were done, but not that perfect, flaky, crusty wonderfulness that makes homemade rolls the shiz.  Turns out the bottom burner in the oven died - after the turkey and desserts were all baked, thank goodness, so that wasn't so bad.

I started to get a sore throat.  No big deal, I thought, just sinus issues.  Then I was so tired...I wanted to sleep all the time. I had a fever, and an upper respiratory infection. But I lived.  (If you were hoping otherwise: Nya nya nya!!)

Eöl left for work, as usual.  He usually texts me when he gets there, so I was surprised when my phone rang with his ring tone.  I answered, but he didn't say anything.  I thought he'd ghost called me...or whatever you call it when your back pocket makes a call without your consent.  I shouted hello a couple of times, to let him know his pocket was making illicit calls, and then I heard someone say, "Are you ok?"  The call ended.  My heart nearly stopped.  I called him back and got a busy signal.  How does that even happen with phones anymore?  Call waiting, etc, and I get a busy signal.  I was freaking out. All I could picture was Eöl, prostrate in a ditch somewhere, calling me for help.  Thankfully, I got through on the next call, and yes, he'd been in an accident, but he was fine.  In fact, everyone involved was fine. A police officer that happened to be nearby had distracted him during the first call, so Eöl didn't realize I had answered.

By the way, a special thanks to my mom for picking him up and bringing him home.  He was shaken up, I was shaken up, and I didn't know whether to hug him to death or beat him with something handy, like maybe a goose, for scaring the ever lovin' heck outta me.

Our car, however, was not fine; I owe my mom another big thanks for loaning us hers. It would be tough, getting Eöl to and from work, mom and dad to their various appointments, as well as anyone else that needed to be anywhere.  With many of these appointments within an hour of each other, I was designated to keep the car and chauffeur.

After one of those very hectic days of driving at practically all hours, we ordered pizza.  A couple of  hours later, I woke up very, very sick.  I had more driving to do that day, no one else on hand to do it, and here I was...well...you can imagine ...it was pretty gross.  But I lived.  And once again, if you hoped otherwise: Nya nya nya!!

So there you have it: eating, driving, sleeping...and vomiting.

Where is the silver lining I mentioned?  You mean, besides the fact that I lived, Eöl (and everyone else involved in the accident) was unharmed, and the turkey was baked before the oven died?  What? That's not enough?

LOL  It does sound like the week from hell.  It could've been much worse, but things turned out better than I expected, considering our only vehicle was out of commission.

We had been car shopping already, looking for a second vehicle.  We've been a one car family for a while, but really needed that second vehicle whether we liked it or not.  Anyway...we were hoping to find something we could just pay for, something reliable.  Ha. I could've just asked for the moon, right?  Everything in our price range was "as is; no warranty".  Now doesn't that just make you wonder, when the dealership has their own mechanic?  Here's a guy that knows something about cars that can't give you any sort of hope this car will last more than five minutes once your check clears.

Our only car is out of commission; we don't know if the insurance will fix it, write it off as a total loss, or tell us to get stuffed.  The only thing we do know is that Eöl has to have a way to get to work, and I really don't want to run my mom's car to pieces.

After our poor luck car hunting, I noticed a particular car commercial on the radio, advertising something brand new and with a great warranty, for an amazing price.  I did a little research, but never held out much hope for a brand new vehicle.  I've never owned one, and I've never really wanted one.  Everyone knows they drop in value the minute you drive them off the lot, right?  But that warranty...wow.  So, late one evening, after more driving (but no vomiting...can I get a hallelujah....), Eöl and I were sipping wine, looking at cars online.  Hoping for the best, we filled out the online application at a dealership.  The very next day, we drove off the lot in a BRAND NEW CAR.  Oh. My. Soul. .

Yeah, I know...all that blather when I just could've said, "I got a new car!"  But where's the fun in that?  And yes, it is that cool.  Not to mention all the fun we can have with the name:  Those better not be paw-prints on my Soul.  My Soul is filthy.  We share a Soul.  Save our Soul. Please do not lean on our Soul.  The possibilities are endless.

About the warranty, we paid a little extra and got the whole warranty extended to 100k miles, so it's not just drive train coverage.  If you are used to new cars, you probably don't appreciate the wonderment I feel; ah, to have a car that I can drive anywhere, without worry.  If you are used to driving a POS, then you get it, and yeah, it's that awesome.

I almost forgot to mention the main reason we were so interested in the Kia:  fuel economy.  26 mpg city/36 mpg hwy.  The estimated fuel cost for one year was less than we spent on our last vehicle for six months.  My Soul is fuel efficient.

So....my intense driving  period is over; I'm back at home, trying to clean, catch up on laundry (with the new washer and dryer, it's nothing to complain about), determined to get the tree up, and making jokes with Eöl about the Soul. "It's my turn to use the Soul."

A new washer and dryer and a brand new car - what's next for Country Wife? Will she stay the country bumpkin we know and love (or not, but still: nya nya nya!), or will she get all citified with her fancy gadgets, wotnots, and doohickeys?

Only one way to find out:  Stay tuned!

And so...

A respiratory virus, a car accident, and food poisoning; it has truly been a week to remember forget.   I said to Eöl, "I've done nothing for the past week but eat, sleep, and drive...oh, and vomit."

"Oh, so you are a celebrity," he replies.  I just roll my eyes at him and go back to one of the above listed activities.

A quick update:

• We've eaten more fast food in the past week than in the past year.
• Our tree is not even up yet, which is some kind of record.
• I have learned to catnap between car trips.
• I will never order pizza from a certain pizza joint. Not. Ever. Again. *vomits*
• My yard looks like a pig wallow from all of the rain and mud.  
• My house looks like a pig sty because I have not had time to clean.
• I should be sleeping right now but I'm waiting for my turn in the bathroom.

Although it sounds like things are pretty bad, every cloud has a silver lining...more on mine in the next post...when I get time...

Stoppp sha-a-ak-k-k-inggg the ja-a-r-r-rrrr

Stop.
             Shaking.
                            The.
                                        Jar.

Stolen from Big Sis, but yeah, it's been that kinda week for all of us.